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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22792945">I'm Getting Older Too</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunseok/pseuds/bunseok'>bunseok</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>neo coping mechanism technology [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Lee Taeyong Needs a Hug, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Suh Youngho | Johnny is a Good Friend, thats a common tag lmfao, uhhhh idk what else to tag, wholesome tags</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 17:55:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,310</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22792945</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunseok/pseuds/bunseok</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"You should be asleep," was the first thing Johnny said, and it made something inside Taeyong shrink.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>neo coping mechanism technology [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1638676</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>216</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I'm Getting Older Too</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>*copes with my own stress by writing about one of my emotional support kpop boys being comforted by another one of my emotional support kpop boys*</p><p>also yes the title is from a stevie nicks song dont look at me</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Taeyong padded quietly from the hallway into the space between the living room and kitchen. He stopped at the sight of Johnny, sitting alone on the couch, head down as he scrolled on his phone. Taeyong stood still, watching, afraid to call out and break the silence. After a few moments, he finally caught Johnny’s eye, who quickly put his phone down and sat up.</p><p> </p><p>“You should be asleep,” was the first thing Johnny said, and it made something inside Taeyong shrink.</p><p> </p><p>He stepped wordlessly into the living room, sank down on the couch beside him, and let his head fall onto Johnny’s shoulder. His eyes stared unfocused at the coffee table in front of them. Johnny smelled good. Warm.</p><p> </p><p>“Can’t sleep, huh,” Johnny murmured.</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong let himself enjoy a comfortable few moments until the silence between them inevitably had to be broken.</p><p> </p><p>“I missed you.”</p><p> </p><p>Johnny hummed softly in agreement. “It’s been a while, hm?”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong had just returned from his overseas tour with SuperM earlier that day, and had been given hardly any time to reunite with the rest of 127. For the most part, a brief hug and a few words of greeting were all he and the other members could afford between each other. While Mark had passed out the instant the two of them were finally relinquished from their tasks for the day, Taeyong had been struggling to catch up with as many members as he could. Once he had finally gone to bed, he had found it difficult to put his exhausted body to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>“How was the tour?”</p><p> </p><p>“It was amazing,” Taeyong said, almost on reflex. A moment, then he sighed. “It was a lot.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll bet.”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong’s body sank into Johnny’s, his cheek pillowing against Johnny’s shoulder. When he breathed in Johnny’s scent, his eyes fell shut on their own accord.</p><p> </p><p>“I really missed you.”</p><p> </p><p>Another gentle hum from Johnny. “Welcome home, Yongie.”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong immediately bit down the feeling that threatened to blossom in his chest at the sound of the nickname. It was nothing.</p><p> </p><p>“You should really be asleep though.”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong curled his lip and made a nondescript sound of protest. A child being reminded of his bedtime.</p><p> </p><p>“What about you, though?” Taeyong asked, lifting his head to look at Johnny. “You should be in bed too.”</p><p> </p><p>Johnny shook his head and smiled at Taeyong’s pout. “I’ve got nothing to do tomorrow. Day off.”</p><p> </p><p>“...Still,” Taeyong said, laying his head back on Johnny’s shoulder. He made a mental note to look through everyone’s schedules tomorrow.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I make you some tea? Or get you some food?” Johnny asked, now running his fingers through Taeyong’s bristly, over-bleached hair. “What did you come out here for?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I didn’t…” Taeyong trailed off. He turned his head and buried his face in Johnny’s shoulder. “I wasn’t looking for food,” He said, his voice muffled.</p><p> </p><p>“Hm?”</p><p> </p><p>“I was looking for you,” Taeyong said, trying to bury his face as deep as possible in Johnny’s shoulder, as if he could hide his entire self behind Johnny’s shirt.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I see.” Johnny’s voice was hushed. “Well, here I am.”</p><p> </p><p>The silence between them this time was a little less comfortable than before. Despite Taeyong’s best efforts to disappear into Johnny’s shoulder, he could feel Johnny watching him, waiting for him to speak.</p><p> </p><p>Instead of words, a small, shuddering sob was the next thing to come out of Taeyong’s mouth.</p><p> </p><p>He could feel Johnny grow tense as he started to cry, dampening the sleeve of Johnny’s shirt with his tears. Within moments, his small slip of emotion had escalated into sobs that racked Taeyong's entire body. His runny nose wiped against Johnny's sleeve, and he twisted one hand into the bottom hem of Johnny's shirt. He was being gross, weak, but the more he tried to get himself to stop, the more he cried.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry,” Taeyong mumbled through his tears, the end of the word cut off by another desperately restrained sob. “Sorry, sorry, sorry…”</p><p> </p><p>“H… Hey, hey,” Johnny said, and Taeyong felt a sharp pang when he heard the uncertainty in his voice. “Hey, look at me.”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong shook his head. He shouldn’t be the one crying, he shouldn’t be the one making someone else scramble for a way to comfort him. In this moment, he was failing, and the thought only made him cry harder. <em> I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Yongie,” Taeyong was being grabbed by the shoulders now, “Stop apologizing.” Johnny was looking him directly in the face, he could feel his eyes on him, but Taeyong kept his gaze down.</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong was covering half his face with his hand, ashamed at his continued inability to stop his own crying. Johnny put a hand on the cheek that Taeyong’s hand wasn’t covering, gently thumbing away a few tears.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Yongie, it’s okay. You’re okay.”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong shut his eyes and shook his head, overwhelmed by the softness of Johnny’s words and actions. He wanted to completely surrender to the comfort that Johnny seemed to be offering, but he had to resist. If he let himself go to that place, he might never come back.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Taeyong said one last time, letting his hand fall from his face as he gradually regained composure. He kept his eyes down, unable to meet Johnny’s intense gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay, Yongie. There’s nothing to apologize for.” Both his hands were on Taeyong’s face now, steadily wiping away tears. “What’s going on? Do you wanna talk about it?”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong had mostly quieted down by now, but when he looked up and saw the way Johnny was looking at him, he instantly broke into a fresh bout of sobs.</p><p> </p><p>“I just-- <em> Really </em> missed you,” Taeyong managed to choke out through his tears. He was doing everything in his power to keep eye contact, but the hurt and confusion in Johnny’s eyes were too much to bear.</p><p> </p><p>Before he could look away, though, Johnny had his hand on the back of Taeyong’s neck and was pulling him forward, into his chest. Taeyong slumped his shoulders, bombarded by the warm scent of <em> Johnny </em> so strongly in his face. Johnny’s hands were running up and down Taeyong’s back, then he was moving Taeyong, rearranging him until he was sitting on his lap, facing him. Taeyong had a brief moment of panic, <em> what if someone walked in and saw them alone like this</em>, but it was quickly shooed away in favour of thoughts of just <em> Johnny</em>. He wrapped his arms around Johnny’s neck and nestled his face back into his shoulder. Johnny’s arms went around Taeyong’s torso, enveloping him.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you for a while,” Johnny murmured into Taeyong’s shoulder. “I’m here now.”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong shook his head. “You shouldn’t have to be there for me. I should be there for you. I’m--” Another choked sob. “I’m your leader.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” Johnny’s arms tightened around Taeyong. “Yongie, being our leader doesn’t mean you have to bear everything completely alone.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes it does.”</p><p> </p><p>A long, heavy silence, then Johnny sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“The SuperM tour was hard, wasn’t it?”</p><p> </p><p>“...It’s fine. It’s over now.”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong’s voice was heartbreakingly timid, and Johnny ached at the sound of it.</p><p> </p><p>“Yongie…”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m really sorry to make you worry like this. I’ll be okay.”</p><p> </p><p>Johnny took Taeyong’s shoulders in his hands again and pulled him away, eyes piercing into Taeyong’s. Taeyong stared back with huge, watery eyes, and he saw the way that Johnny’s heart broke at the sight of him.</p><p> </p><p>“Taeyong,” Johnny began, and he was using the tone that Taeyong had only heard him use years ago, that time when Doyoung had a sudden breakdown in the middle of a party and Taeyong was too drunk to help, “Please don’t be afraid to come to me whenever you need to. I want to help you. You can trust me, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong nodded, bottom lip caught between his teeth to try and stave off any more tears.</p><p> </p><p>“With all the responsibility you’ve been carrying these past few years, I honestly can’t believe I haven’t seen you cry more than I have.” A small, humourless chuckle. “You’ve been so strong, Yongie. It’s okay to let it out once in a while.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re too nice to me,” Taeyong muttered as he leaned forward, tucking his face back into Johnny’s shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Everything’s okay, everything’s gonna be okay,” Johnny murmured as he nuzzled his head against Taeyong’s, his strong arms wrapping back around Taeyong’s torso. “Is there anything specific that happened recently? Anything you wanna talk about?”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong shook his head with a small whimper. “Just… I feel like it’s all been building up. I’m stretched so thin. The tour was fun, but… Being away from all you guys for so long… The hyungs were great but it just wasn’t the same.” Like a broken record, “I missed you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I missed you too.”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong hoped Johnny couldn’t feel his heart pounding through his hoodie. It wasn’t the time, it <em> really </em> wasn’t the time, but Taeyong’s dumb brain didn’t seem to get the message, and it kept drifting back to the same thought he always seemed to get whenever he was near Johnny; The same thought of <em> kissing him</em>. Stupid.</p><p> </p><p>It made him cringe, which -- <em> stupid </em> -- Johnny seemed to notice.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Stupid. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Mm.”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong wanted to enjoy the moment of being held like this by Johnny, but the thought wouldn’t stop flashing through his mind. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Being away from each other this long had at least provided one benefit; Taeyong wasn’t forced to push down this disgusting thought every time he looked Johnny in the eye, or touched him, or was anywhere in proximity to him. Like a floodgate, now that he was here with Johnny again, touching him, breathing his scent, <em> sitting on his lap</em>, Taeyong’s head was being rushed with the same thought over and over again.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Kiss him kiss him kiss him. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Johnny.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mm?”</p><p> </p><p>“I need to tell you something.”</p><p> </p><p>“Tell me.”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong leaned away, removing his arms from around Johnny’s neck, pulling out of Johnny’s hold, moving off of him until he was sitting a few inches away next to him.</p><p> </p><p>Johnny watched him carefully, and Taeyong made eye contact only once before quickly looking down.</p><p> </p><p>“Um.”</p><p> </p><p>“What is it, Yongie?”</p><p> </p><p>That intensely attentive gaze. Taeyong could feel it burning through his scalp.</p><p> </p><p>“I…”</p><p> </p><p><em> I want to kiss you</em>.</p><p> </p><p>His blood ran cold.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to go to work tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>A beat of silence, blood quickly rushing to Taeyong’s face as he realized what he just did.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, Yongie.”</p><p> </p><p>“...Um.”</p><p> </p><p>“I wish I could help you. But you know you have to go.”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh.”</p><p> </p><p>Johnny’s hand was massaging circles into Taeyong’s shoulder now. “It’ll be okay. Alright? You’ll be okay.”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong nodded silently.</p><p> </p><p>“Come here.”</p><p> </p><p>Johnny pulled him into another hug, not as intimate as when Taeyong had been on his lap, but an overwhelmingly <em> Johnny </em> hug nonetheless. Johnny was the one to pull away, and when he looked into Taeyong’s eyes, once again Taeyong found himself unable to look back.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll go make you some tea, alright? Wait right here.”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong nodded, and Johnny gave him a pat on the shoulder and jumped off the couch to head into the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong curled up on the couch, drawing his legs up and hugging them under his arms. He quietly waited, listening to the sounds of Johnny rustling through the kitchen. Once the kettle was on, Johnny came back.</p><p> </p><p>With one hand on Taeyong’s shoulder, he murmured “I’ll be right back,” then disappeared into the hallway towards the bedrooms.</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong watched him leave, eyes wide, and kept his gaze on the hallway door until Johnny returned.</p><p> </p><p>Once Johnny finally reappeared in the doorway, he was holding Taeyong’s turquoise-coloured plush shark. Taeyong made a small sound of surprise, mouth open, and Johnny smiled at him as he brought the shark over. Taeyong accepted the plushie with open arms, and hugged it close to his chest as he gazed up at Johnny.</p><p> </p><p>“I thought that might help you feel better,” Johnny said shyly, fondly watching the way that Taeyong was hugging it.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” Taeyong said, eyes following Johnny as he went back into the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong played with his plushie absentmindedly as he waited for Johnny to come back. He felt that frustratingly persistent feeling return to his chest, filling him up, making him feel ready to burst, before he eventually managed to force it back down. With a huff of frustration at his inability to control his emotions, he buried his face into the plushie.</p><p> </p><p>A chuckle from in front of him alerted him, and he quickly raised his head to see Johnny holding a mug, smiling warmly at him. Johnny set the mug down on the coffee table and took a seat back on the couch, beside Taeyong. Taeyong put the plushie on his lap and took the mug. He took a sniff, and smiled softly.</p><p> </p><p>“Yummy,” He said quietly, and Johnny chuckled again. As he blew on the steaming tea, he snuggled closer to Johnny, touching their shoulders together.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you feeling any better now?”</p><p> </p><p>“Mm,” Taeyong answered with a small nod. “A little bit.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to keep talking about it, or do you want a distraction?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm.” Taeyong’s shoulders fell, his eyes trained on his mug. “I’m not… I’m not usually this stressed. It’s just… Been so much recently.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mm.”</p><p> </p><p>“But I’m glad… I’m glad I came to you.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s good.” Johnny was quiet for a moment, then he continued. “Can I ask… How you usually deal with your stress?”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh…” Taeyong touched his lips to the mug, then pulled away. Too hot. “I just… I just get over it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hm?”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong was already cringing at what he was about to say. This was too much vulnerability for one night. “I just cry for a bit then I get over it. I’m too busy to do anything else.”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong knew what Johnny was going to say to that.</p><p> </p><p>“Yongie…”</p><p> </p><p>Yep.</p><p> </p><p>“I know, I know. But… It’s fine, you know? I have to do it.” Taeyong shrugged. “It’s my job.”</p><p> </p><p>A long silence. Taeyong could hear Johnny’s brain scrambling for something to say.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s just too much of a burden to put on yourself all alone.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well… It is what it is.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you say that because you’re our leader?”</p><p> </p><p>“I guess so.”</p><p> </p><p>Another long silence.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I ask something of you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Mm.” Taeyong tried again to take a sip from his mug. Still too hot. “I suppose.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can I ask… That you not be a leader with me?”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong paused. “What?”</p><p> </p><p>Johnny spoke slowly, deliberately. “Out there, at our job, you’ve got this huge burden and responsibility all the time. And it seems like it makes you feel like you can’t turn to others when you need help. So, when it’s just us, alone like this…” Johnny swallowed. “You don’t have to be the leader.” He turned and looked directly at Taeyong, and this time, Taeyong looked back. “You don’t have to be big, strong leader Lee Taeyong when you’re with me. You can just be… You can just be Yongie.”</p><p> </p><p>As Taeyong stared at him, eyes massive, he could see the beginning of a red tint starting to form in Johnny’s ears and cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>“D… Does that…” Johnny stammered, “Sound like something you can do?”</p><p> </p><p>The mug in Taeyong’s hands was the right temperature now.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you,” Taeyong said.</p><p> </p><p>Johnny pulled back slightly, confused. “Huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“I.” Taeyong swallowed thickly. “I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I love you too,” Johnny said slowly, non-committedly.</p><p> </p><p>“No,” Taeyong said, and he put the mug down on the coffee table. “I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“How could I not?” Taeyong said, one hand twisting a fist into the shark plush on his lap, the other approaching Johnny’s shoulder. “When you say things like that. When you’re… <em> You </em>.” His hand was on the back of Johnny’s neck. “I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Taeyong…”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong pulled away. “You don’t have to say anything back. I know it’s… It’s bad. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you. But I just… Suddenly needed you to know. I love you.” Taeyong couldn’t stop saying it. <em> I love you I love you I love you</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong picked the mug back up and took a sip. As he tasted the tea Johnny had prepared for him, he became aware of how incredibly still Johnny was next to him. He felt his blood start to run cold as realization slowly set in, that maybe he had really, truly, fucked up this time. Oh, but he loved Johnny, and now Taeyong knew, and now Johnny knew, and there was nothing left to do. Johnny would never talk to him again, but at least he knew.</p><p> </p><p>“Taeyong.”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong slowly set his mug back down. Just as he started to turn his head, Johnny’s hand was on his jaw, and his face was right in front Taeyong’s, and their lips were touching.</p><p> </p><p>All those books and movies were right.</p><p> </p><p>Time really did stop.</p><p> </p><p>Well, it was more like someone took Taeyong’s brain out of his body and left him there, floating helplessly, the only thing grounding him being his hand like a vice on Johnny’s shoulder, Johnny’s hand like a feather on Taeyong’s cheek, and their lips-- God, their <em> lips </em>-- together.</p><p> </p><p>Johnny tasted exactly how Taeyong expected he would. If you asked, Taeyong wouldn’t be able to describe him any better than that.</p><p> </p><p>When they broke apart, and Taeyong’s brain was gradually returned to his body, the two of them stared at each other, eyes huge, chests pounding.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” was the first thing Taeyong said. His head was spinning. “That’s… Johnny, you just kissed me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I just kissed you.”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong realized his hand was still clinging to Johnny’s arm like it was the only thing keeping him on earth. He slowly relaxed his grip, and Johnny took that hand in his own.</p><p> </p><p>“I just kissed you,” Johnny said again, staring at their hands.</p><p> </p><p>Johnny looked up into Taeyong’s eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>Johnny’s words filled Taeyong’s chest, filled it so much he felt like he was about to burst, went to the rest of his body, until Taeyong felt it in his legs, arms, stomach, fingers.</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong didn’t force it down.</p><p> </p><p>He let it spread, let it fill him everywhere, everywhere, let it lift him up and guide his lips right back onto Johnny’s.</p><p> </p><p>Once they pulled apart again, Taeyong smiled. “You love me?”</p><p> </p><p>Johnny laughed, a short, taken aback huff. His smile filled his entire face. “I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wh… Since when?”</p><p> </p><p>Johnny raised his eyebrows and shrugged. “I have no idea. But when you said that… I realized. Taeyong,” His hands were on the sides of Taeyong’s face, holding him like a fragile bird, “I love you. I think for a long time.”</p><p> </p><p>Feeling completely starstruck, Taeyong brought one hand up and cupped it over Johnny’s hand on his face. “We love each other.”</p><p> </p><p>Johnny smiled. “We love each other.”</p><p> </p><p>“What… What now?”</p><p> </p><p>Johnny shook his head and shrugged again. “Now we love each other. That’s all that matters right now.”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong gave a small nod. “Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>“So… What do you think?”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong blinked. “Huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“About my suggestion?”</p><p> </p><p>Taeyong’s brow furrowed.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you just be Yongie for me?”</p><p> </p><p>The feeling in his chest wasn’t going away any time soon. Taeyong nodded. “I think I can.”</p><p> </p><p>Johnny smiled, and Taeyong smiled back, and everything was okay.</p><p> </p><p>When they kissed again, like it was all they knew how to do, everything was okay. When Taeyong finished his tea while Johnny held him, everything was okay. When the two of them finally went to sleep, and Johnny spent the night in Taeyong’s bed, everything was okay.</p><p> </p><p>When Taeyong loved Johnny, and Johnny loved Taeyong, everything was okay.</p><p> </p><p>Everything was okay.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i originally wasnt gonna give this fic a happy ending yall better thank me</p><p>anyways pls give me feedback it keeps me motivated thanks for reading!!!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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